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The Secret Board -> College football in the south
 
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  El Profesor
 
October 13, 2006 12:13:02 pm
 
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College football in the south
Likely a repeat, but worth reading from time to time:

Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different
than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South.

Here are some helpful hints.

Women's Accessories
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara,
and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Heroes
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Bear Bryant, Archie, Eli and Peyton Manning, Bo Jackson

Getting Tickets
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on
campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

Parking
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

Tailgating
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local
radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking
accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played
NORTH : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

 
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  day for night
 
October 13, 2006 12:42:33 pm
 
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stupid
 
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  IrishThrasher
 
October 13, 2006 1:22:08 pm
 
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Yeah, I love seeing all those statues of Heisman Trophy winners in Tuscaloosa.
 
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  Eric
 
October 13, 2006 2:31:23 pm
 
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quote:
day for night said...
stupid



Confirm

 
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  Millwood
 
October 13, 2006 2:36:21 pm
 
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quote:
Eric said...
quote:
day for night said...
stupid



Confirm



Would you two knock it off. Didn't you know that Today is Friendly Friday. Everyone has to be nice to one another.



 
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  El Profesor
 
October 13, 2006 2:39:15 pm
 
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quote:
Millwood said...
quote:
Eric said...
quote:
day for night said...
stupid



Confirm



Would you two knock it off. Didn't you know that Today is Friendly Friday. Everyone has to be nice to one another.





They're too busy looking for hot chicks at the Spartan and Badger games. I expect they'll find one in about 2059.

 
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  day for night
 
October 13, 2006 2:41:51 pm
 
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quote:
El Profesor said...
quote:
Millwood said...
quote:
Eric said...
quote:
day for night said...
stupid



Confirm



Would you two knock it off. Didn't you know that Today is Friendly Friday. Everyone has to be nice to one another.





They're too busy looking for hot chicks at the Spartan and Badger games. I expect they'll find one in about 2059.



El Douchebag - I take it you have never been to Madison or East Lansing.


 
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  RoyalAir
 
October 13, 2006 2:46:01 pm
 
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quote:
El Profesor said...
Likely a repeat, but worth reading from time to time:

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.



Nope. Professors cancel class cos they don't want the students to see how hung over they are.

Oh, most of this list is BS. Some of it isn't, but most of it is.

 
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  El Profesor
 
October 13, 2006 2:53:06 pm
 
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quote:
day for night said...

El Douchebag - I take it you have never been to Madison or East Lansing.




Actually, douchebag for night, I have been to both. There are a few decent looking ones, but don't even try to convince anybody that they hold a candle to the ladies of the south.

 
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  El Profesor
 
October 13, 2006 2:54:51 pm
 
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quote:
RoyalAir said...
quote:
El Profesor said...
Likely a repeat, but worth reading from time to time:

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.



Nope. Professors cancel class cos they don't want the students to see how hung over they are.

Oh, most of this list is BS. Some of it isn't, but most of it is.



It's meant to be a silly joke. Funny how our northern contingent takes it so seriously. The phrase "Ligthen up Francis" seems to be appropriate for them.

 
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  day for night
 
October 13, 2006 2:57:26 pm
 
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quote:
El Profesor said...
quote:
day for night said...

El Douchebag - I take it you have never been to Madison or East Lansing.




Actually, douchebag for night, I have been to both. There are a few decent looking ones, but don't even try to convince anybody that they hold a candle to the ladies of the south.



El Douchebag - Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't know why I'd even want to debate this you. It's irrelevant. I've seen you, we have met. You couldn't get laid if you dressed up as small child and presented yourself to John Mark Karr.


 
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  day for night
 
October 13, 2006 2:59:35 pm
 
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quote:
El Profesor
It's meant to be a silly joke. Funny how our northern contingent takes it so seriously. The phrase "Ligthen up Francis" seems to be appropriate for them.



This coming from the board contrarian, someone who hold himself out as a "profesor." Lighten up....right


 
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  El Profesor
 
October 13, 2006 3:00:34 pm
 
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quote:
day for night said...

El Douchebag - Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't know why I'd even want to debate this you. It's irrelevant. I've seen you, we have met. You couldn't get laid if you dressed up as small child and presented yourself to John Mark Karr.




When was this? I agree it's irrelevant, but I don't remember meeting you. I sure as heck am no Millwood or JG in the looks dept, but I do okay.

 
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  El Profesor
 
October 13, 2006 3:01:39 pm
 
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quote:
day for night said...
quote:
El Profesor
It's meant to be a silly joke. Funny how our northern contingent takes it so seriously. The phrase "Ligthen up Francis" seems to be appropriate for them.



This coming from the board contrarian, someone who hold himself out as a "profesor." Lighten up....right




I'm not a professor. Never said I was. I'm only contrarian when I truly feel contrarian about something.

 
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  Millwood
 
October 13, 2006 3:06:26 pm
 
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Great!! Another Friendly Friday up in smoke. You guys could **** up a wet dream.

 
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  day for night
 
October 13, 2006 3:07:28 pm
 
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quote:
Millwood said...
Great!! Another Friendly Friday up in smoke. You guys could **** up a wet dream.




Friendly friday??? I thought it was **** with someone friday.

 
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  Millwood
 
October 13, 2006 3:09:02 pm
 
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quote:
day for night said...
quote:
Millwood said...
Great!! Another Friendly Friday up in smoke. You guys could **** up a wet dream.




Friendly friday??? I thought it was **** with someone friday.



Thats the third Friday of each Month. See page 36 of the contract.


 
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  dylvez
 
October 13, 2006 3:09:46 pm
 
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quote:
Millwood said...
Great!! Another Friendly Friday up in smoke. You guys could **** up a wet dream.



Hi Milwood. Just for you, good buddy:


 
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  brillo
 
October 13, 2006 3:10:37 pm
 
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quote:
El Profesor said...
quote:
day for night said...

El Douchebag - Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't know why I'd even want to debate this you. It's irrelevant. I've seen you, we have met. You couldn't get laid if you dressed up as small child and presented yourself to John Mark Karr.




When was this? I agree it's irrelevant, but I don't remember meeting you. I sure as heck am no Millwood or JG in the looks dept, but I do okay.



I've met you, el Pro, and I agree you're no JG.




 
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  Millwood
 
October 13, 2006 3:11:11 pm
 
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quote:
dylvez said...
quote:
Millwood said...
Great!! Another Friendly Friday up in smoke. You guys could **** up a wet dream.



Hi Milwood. Just for you, good buddy:




I love looking down on her like that. Great angle



 
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