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Atlanta Thrashers -> Thrasherville's Diary Returns
 
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  THRASHERVILLE
 
January 7, 2003 6:48:55 pm
 
  Magically Delicious!

Location: Signing character guys.
Member Since: April, 2002
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Thrasherville's Diary Returns
Dear Diary,

Since Mino is sharing I thought I would too.

It is a special occasion when I leave my seat during play, and rarer yet that I use a public restroom (unless drunk), and yes, I'll speed home at 95mph from downtown in order to take a crap. Well, at the last Pens game, I hit the trifecta... I hadn't taken a dump in a PRR since the OSU/MSU hockey series at the Schott about a year ago. Though their cans were clean, they had the sensor eye that flushed the can everytime I made the slightest movement. Hey, I'm in a PRR for the first time in 5 years, I am as figity as a heroin addict in rehab. The**** thing flushed about 15x before I farted twice, soaked my ass, I thought I was in France.

Anywhat, I downed some Arby's for lunch last Friday, a Super to be exact. Now I used to work at Arby's, and I know that the vinegar based "super sauce" they put on this particular sandwich... well, I might as well drink water in Mexico (no offense Mino). This is the Stewart Ave/Cleveland Ave Arby's, not much of a work force. Though I asked them not to put any "super sauce" on, and though I go there 3x a week, and order the same thing, the same way, each time, they did. Hell, what was I thinking, I can not even get them to not put ice in my drink. Needless to say, I was hungry, I had not eaten that sauce in 16 years, maybe that last time was just a bad batch? Fully knowing the end result, I scarfed it down.

4 minutes into the game, I started sweating. I knew I was gonna have to take a crap at the Bulb. I was vexed; do I go now and miss hockey action, or do I wait until intermission, knowing the place will be packed? In about 30 seconds, my decision was made for me, and I high tailed it to the John. 3 crappers to choose. My choices were slim.
Crapper #1 was handicap accessable. Bonus is with the parallel bars on the wall, I might not have to ever touch the seat. I know there are tickets for using their parking spaces, what's gonna happen if I lock myself in there and somebody who really needs it rolls in?
Crapper #2... has not been flushed in months! Now I am gonna puke...
Crapper #3 looks like somebody has thrown a water balloon across the seat. Also, there are NO paper-ass-gaskets to cover the seat with. I waddle over to the sink, roll off about 15 feet of hand towel and use 12 feet to dry the seat off and 3 feet to wrap it up.

By this time, my legs are shaking, I grab a seat and crack off about 2 gallons of boiling butt chunder without so much as a grunt. It is followed by a thunderous roar that would be worthy of Andre The Giant. I hear a kid leave screaming with laughter. Now I thought that was funny, so I start laughing. I give a little push and my large intestine apparently turned inside out. You would think I'd been holding this since I've been out of diapers. I reach back to give a courtesy flush (though the place is empty)... OK a courtesy to myself at this point. I find out the hard way that one of the hinges on the seat is broken. The seat slides halfway off of the bowl, and to my horror...
"Lil' T'Ville" touched porcelin!

After sitting in stunned silence for 5 minutes, I was shaken back to reality by Mark Savard's goal. The horn sounded and so did I. Picking up where I had left off, the colon chilli is still served hot! I thought/hoped that the wet feeling on my cheek was just backsplash or buttsweat, but NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... one of the three feet of handtowel I had wrappen the seat in had fallen into the terlit water, and the Law Of Gravity not withstanding, had been absorbed all the way up to the seat!

That's it!! I was done! I was sure time was running out in the period, and soon enough the can would be packed. I had to call it a day and get outta there. Oh!!! Lookie here, NO TOILET PAPER! Today of all days, I was not carrying my own, so I did what anyone would have done. Used my socks as much as I could, then resorted to using the (now damp) paper that had lined the seat. Ahhh, back in my seat at last.

Diary, I'll NEVER use a public restroom again...



 
  [ PM THRASHERVILLE ]   __________________
When God said He would make a halfback or a fullback, He might have said Gale Sayers or He might have said Jim Brown. But when He said He would make the best football player who ever lived, He probably said Walter Payton. -Mike Ditka

 
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  TheBrickwall
 
January 7, 2003 7:21:05 pm
 
  He's a Brick...House
He's mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out


Location: Under a magnolia tree on The Grove
Member Since: December, 2001
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You sir, are a treasure!
 
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"We redshirt Miss Americas at Ole Miss."
 
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  minotauro
 
January 7, 2003 7:37:38 pm
 
  Mexitauro

Location: on IR...
Member Since: December, 2001
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All I can say is God damn. Thanks for the laugh.
 
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  hockeyjerk
 
January 7, 2003 9:12:56 pm
 
  Roidweiser

Location: Riding THRASHERVILLE'S
Member Since: November, 2002
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Uh...I'm at a loss...remind me never to eat at Arby's
 
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  behind the net
 
January 7, 2003 9:45:54 pm
 
  Hall of Famer

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What was the score of that UM-MSU football game, I forgot?
 
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  Thrashheat
 
January 7, 2003 10:43:36 pm
 
  3rd Line Checker

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That was very funny.

The part about the bars in the handicap bathroom was hilarious because my wife will not use public bathrooms and I can picture her hanging from the bars.

 
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  fickelchook
 
January 7, 2003 10:50:08 pm
 
  StrongBad's Little Sister

Location: Just moved to Denver, CO
Member Since: November, 2002
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Wow man, you've really got some issues - you expect the Arby's workers to leave the sause off your sandwich AND put no ice in your drink? Talk about high maintenance... other than that, good read - bravo
 
  [ PM fickelchook ]   __________________
Suck it down
 
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  thrashin
 
January 7, 2003 11:29:19 pm
 
  3rd Line Checker

Location: Out securing the
Member Since: November, 2002
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Man I laughed so hard I gave myself hiccups. I will find myself laughing (probably out loud) about this in the future and cause someone to think I have gone even further off the deep end.
 
  [ PM thrashin ]   __________________
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  Screamin Jen
 
January 7, 2003 11:59:17 pm
 
  Panache

Location: Lily is this many
Member Since: April, 2002
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Awww...that's awesome...I almost spewed the water I was drinking cause I was laughing so hard...nothing like shooting corn fritters out of your *** to make you feel better, huh?
 
  [ PM Screamin Jen ]   __________________
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  adam in 310
 
January 8, 2003 7:52:27 am
 
  Great Scoring Chance

Location: In line for chick soccer season tickets
Member Since: November, 2002
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Damn T'ville, I'm freakin' crying from laughing so hard!

adam in 115

 
  [ PM adam in 310 ]   __________________
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  Puckwad
 
January 8, 2003 8:52:53 am
 
  Moderator

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What's sad about this, is it's true, isn't it? The guy I was with last night came out of the bathroom laughing. I asked him what was so funny and he commented something along the lines of "You should have heard the two explosions that just happened in the bathroom, it was disgusting!" Now, I know who it was!
 
  [ PM Puckwad ]   __________________
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  Rasp
 
January 8, 2003 9:35:47 am
 
  Floppy

Location: In Mombassa, drinking gin.
Member Since: December, 2001
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quote:
Puckwad spouted this nonsense...
What's sad about this, is it's true, isn't it? The guy I was with last night came out of the bathroom laughing. I asked him what was so funny and he commented something along the lines of "You should have heard the two explosions that just happened in the bathroom, it was disgusting!" Now, I know who it was!



There are few things funnier/more repulsive than hearing someone try to "work out his issues" in the stall of a PRR. One of them happens to be hearing him succeed.

 
  [ PM Rasp ]   __________________
"Staple guns: Because duct tape can't make that 'kaCHUNK' noise." -xkcd
 
 
   
  Screamin Jen
 
January 8, 2003 9:47:36 am
 
  Panache

Location: Lily is this many
Member Since: April, 2002
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My cubicle is about 20 feet from the bathrooms, and there is this guy, EJ, from the collections department who coaches his *** while he's in the john...my male coworkers have been in there while he was "going" and came back laughing about how he says, "all right now" "all the way out" "good job"...and when he leaves the bathroom after one of these episodes, the lets out this hugely loud sigh of relief...
 
  [ PM Screamin Jen ]   __________________
Shoepolish says I'm the Goddess of Love and Beer and I'm okay with that.
 
 
   
  Maestro
 
January 8, 2003 10:14:45 am
 
  Hall of Famer

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A discussion I've had on another board, somewhat related to this is how some people find it necessary to either a) talk to me in the neighboring stall at work, or b) talk on their cell phone/nextel in the stall at work. Is any conversation really THAT important that you have to carry on the conversation while you're taking care of other business?
 
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  Bongo
 
January 8, 2003 10:15:56 am
 
  High-Class low-life

Location: Out there somewhere.
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I just got one question. What are you doing on Stewart Ave? Does Kato know about this?

While decency and good taste prevent me from doing so, I could tell you some real horror stories about the Port-O-Lets at the New Orleans Jazz Festival.

 
  [ PM Bongo ]   __________________
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  minotauro
 
January 8, 2003 12:03:35 pm
 
  Mexitauro

Location: on IR...
Member Since: December, 2001
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quote:
Bongo spouted this nonsense...
I just got one question. What are you doing on Stewart Ave? Does Kato know about this?



Speaking of which, it's not even called Stewart Ave. anymore, is it?

 
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  kdm
 
January 8, 2003 12:07:59 pm
 
  3rd Line Checker

Location: The button, with the nuts on the flop.
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quote:
minotauro spouted this nonsense...
quote:
Bongo spouted this nonsense...
I just got one question. What are you doing on Stewart Ave? Does Kato know about this?



Speaking of which, it's not even called Stewart Ave. anymore, is it?

It's Metropolitan now I believe. Wonder if The Purple Onion is still there? Memmmmmmmmories...

 
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  Rasp
 
January 8, 2003 1:08:50 pm
 
  Floppy

Location: In Mombassa, drinking gin.
Member Since: December, 2001
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quote:
minotauro spouted this nonsense...
quote:
Bongo spouted this nonsense...
I just got one question. What are you doing on Stewart Ave? Does Kato know about this?



Speaking of which, it's not even called Stewart Ave. anymore, is it?



Maybe not, but it's still called the "Stewart Avenue Special".

 
  [ PM Rasp ]   __________________
"Staple guns: Because duct tape can't make that 'kaCHUNK' noise." -xkcd
 
 
   
  hockeyfan822
 
January 8, 2003 2:42:39 pm
 
  Hall of Famer

Location: Under the Table and Dreaming!
Member Since: December, 2002
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Although extremely well written, for me, it was a little too much information! lmao
 
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Rasp said...
It's a hockey game, not a try-out of American Idol.

 
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  Shannonie
 
January 8, 2003 2:59:34 pm
 
  Board Turdmeister

Location: GRRROWWWRRR!
Member Since: March, 2002
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Do men ever ask their toilet-neighbor to spare a few squares?
 
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